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Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Cover of Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
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The instant New York Times bestsellerEnd the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of being truly yourself.Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them—in...
The instant New York Times bestsellerEnd the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of being truly yourself.Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them—in...
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Description-

  • The instant New York Times bestseller
    End the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of being truly yourself.

    Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them—in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do "healthy boundaries" really mean—and how can we successfully express our needs, say "no," and be assertive without offending others?
    Licensed counselor, sought-after relationship expert, and one of the most influential therapists on Instagram Nedra Glover Tawwab demystifies this complex topic for today's world. In a relatable and inclusive tone, Set Boundaries, Find Peace presents simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology—and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more.

Excerpts-

  • From the cover

    1

     

    What the Heck Are Boundaries?

     

    Boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships.

     

    "I feel overwhelmed," Kim said, burying her head in her hands. She had started seeing me two weeks after she had returned from her honeymoon. Newly married and excelling in her career, Kim prided herself on being the best at everything she did, but her worries about getting it all done had become all-consuming. She was depleted and dreaded getting out of bed in the morning. She not only was determined to be the best for herself, but she also always showed up as the "best" for others: the best friend, best daughter, best sister, best coworker. Now she wanted to be the best wife. And someday, the best mother. Being the best for Kim meant always saying yes. Saying no was mean. Saying no was selfish. She came to me hoping to figure out how to do more without feeling so exhausted.

     

    On my couch, Kim went down the list of things she had agreed to do for other people in the coming week. She insisted that her friend needed her help to move. Her coworker would not be able to manage his project without her assistance. Kim was eager for solutions. She was trying to create more time to do all the things she'd signed up for.

     

    As she rattled off everything she was trying to figure out, I asked her to pause. I gently pointed out that it was impossible to create more time. She looked a bit stunned at first. "Don't worry," I said. "I can help you lighten your load instead." From the look on her face, it seemed as though this approach had never occurred to her. I wasn't surprised. I meet so many people-especially women-who give and give so much, only to feel exhausted and even depressed as a result. This is why we live in a culture of burnout.

     

    To start, I encouraged Kim to make a list of everything she needed to do at work and home that week. She already had her week completely mapped out (of course she did). She sketched a schedule for completing each task. She quickly saw that there was simply not enough time to do all the things she had planned.

     

    I asked her, "What do you really have to do, and what can you delegate? Do you think your friend might be able to find someone else to help them move?" She mulled it over and said yes, but insisted that she wanted to help. At that moment, I could see that Kim had an issue with setting boundaries around how much and how often she's willing to help others and that this was contributing to her anxiety. She meant well, right? All she wanted to do was help people! But her level of willingness to help was impossible to sustain. She desperately needed to do less. When I mentioned delegating, Kim dismissed the idea immediately. She knew only one way to help others, and that was to say yes to doing it herself.

     

    Kim's refusal to say no had led her to my office and was the root of her worry, stress, and crippling anxiety. According to studies, anxiety is rising. Complicated relationships are among the leading causes of increasing rates of anxiety, and anxiety and depression are the two most common reasons people pursue therapy. Just like Kim, people enter therapy when anxiety is starting to impact their daily life.

     

    I worked with Kim to unpack her need to be present for everyone. I helped her see that saying no would give her the time she was seeking. Saying no would give her the freedom to settle into her role as a wife. Saying no would reduce her worry so that she could get out of bed and face the day without immediately feeling overwhelmed.

     

    My Definition of...

About the Author-

  • Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert, has practiced relationship therapy for twelve years and is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice Kaleidoscope Counseling. She has been recently featured in The New York Times, The Guardian, Psychology Today, Self, and Vice, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, including Don't Keep Your Day Job, Do the Thing, and Therapy for Black Girls. Tawwab runs a popular Instagram account where she shares practices, tools, and reflections for mental health and hosts weekly Q&As about boundaries and relationships. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her family.

Reviews-

  • AudioFile Magazine In a direct, no-nonsense tone, author/narrator Nedra Glover Tawwab lays out the ground rules for making tough love work for you. Through a series of case studies of people overwhelmed due to their inability to say no or ask for help, Tawwab offers empowerment. Exercises include journaling that prompts listeners to think of a time when they reacted negatively to the word "no" and to consider any boundary issues that they might be experiencing. Her straightforward writing style could easily come across as harsh on the page, but the added benefit of the audio format is her friendly, accessible tone and Southern accent, which create a comfort zone for the listener--even as she delivers hard truths about the need for healthy boundaries. E.E. � AudioFile 2022, Portland, Maine
  • Publisher's Weekly

    December 21, 2020
    Tawwab, a relationship therapist with more than half a million Instagram followers, debuts with a comprehensive guide on how to understand and establish interpersonal boundaries. The first section explains what boundaries are, how they are crossed, and the short- and long-term implications of consistent boundary violations. She identifies six types of boundaries—physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, material, and time—and dispenses tips on how to uphold personal limits (such as “I’m more of a handshaker” for those setting a physical boundary) and detect when a boundary might be crossed (such as overly sexual joking being a red flag for “sexual boundary violation”). In the second section, Tawwab suggests scenarios in which boundaries need to be set—including with family, work, and social media—and walks the reader through them with examples and stories. For instance, Tawwab explains how to respond to microaggressions at work through assertiveness, how to dissuade oversharing through redirection, and ways to stand firm in the face of “guilt trips.” Readers who follow Tawwab on social media and those who find setting boundaries especially difficult will appreciate the advice. Agent: Laura Lee Mattingly, Present Perfect Literary.

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Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
Nedra Glover Tawwab
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Nedra Glover Tawwab
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